May 2008
41 posts
“i went in search of something…only to realize, it was there the entire...”
dear dad,
holy. shit. i’m You. i am 100% certain that i have turned into a mini version of the man you are. + honestly? i am not sure i like it! i am preaching to my girls about how beautiful they are + how only they can validate themselves, telling people to keep their chin up + be positive, assuring coworkers that they have the power within themselves (yes you can! love yourself!). i am...
hi. how are you?
stop. think. take your time to sincerely answer this question. if we did, most people will definitely stop asking.
“to play it safe is not to play.”
– robert altman
territory that should be left unmarked
me: oh! he's really cute!
me: but he works on your floor.
me: oy! could you even imagine?
me: NO
this is not going to be good for business... →
‘Cat Lady” Conundrum, The [10] Here’s a little-known and slightly terrifying fact: According to estimates from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than 60 million people in the United States are infected with a parasite that may migrate into their brains and alter their behavior in a way that — among other things — may leave them more likely to be...
it really grinds my gears...
when i spill coffee on myself first thing in the morning! humph!
i don't want what i wanted
it’s weird to realize some of your dreams or desires have changed…a lot. to realize that you want to succeed within yourself, spend time with people you love, be something + someone only to people near + dear to you- or to extend yourself to those that don’t know you. but not to be known. not to be adored by many. not to be adored at all. it’s weird to realize your idea...
five things
i used to write down 5 things a day that made me smile. i am awful at keeping journals despite my itch for writing so i can promise this activity last well beyond a few weeks, but i recall it was a great way to open the day with good cheer. and so, i will attempt, at my best to revisit this routine. + as with most things in life, sometimes when they are forced they are no longer fun. i will...
“Failure is impossible.”
– susan b. anthony, activist for women’s suffrage Fuck Yeah!
“sometimes i’m so comfortable with being comfortable…that it becomes...”
– me. uncomfy + confining. i broke the mold last nite. it felt….fantastic! note to self: do this More often.
it seems heart + head never see eye to eye
blessings
counting them all this morning. Every. Last. One. + praying for those in china. it’s just too terrible + tragic to understand. it doesn’t make sense.
i have Never been a front runner...
and refuse to start now. buying james frey new book today. so he lied. i’m over it. doesn’t change the fact that i love his unending sentences, frivilous style, + steady word flow. love love love it.
“of all forms of courage, the ability to laugh is the most profoundly theraputic”
– chapter 28, too old too soon laughter and writing are my prescription both heal the heart. writing sets my thoughts free, allowing my mind to breathe.
priorities
need to straighten mine out. it is a difficult thing to know how to get to the light but not have the gas to get you there… i’m trying. just not that hard ;)
“Books say: She did this because. Life says: She did this. Books are where things...”
– Julian Barnes, in Flaubert’s Parrot (via jennabee) i couldn’t disagree more. sometimes through reading about something else or someone else we learn about ourselves. and in that sense, we are living our lives, or learning how to live our lives. without certain knowledge that i gained from...
“seriously!? i think we have three vaginas between us right now!”
– me in a very girlie girl conversation with, well, a close girlfriend :)
boundries
somwhere along the line, i started to travel outside of mine. sometimes i wish i could color inside the lines. but most days i am Really happy being me. *they told me if i repeat this a few times a day it will come true ;)
“the most secure prisons are those we construct ourselves”
– chapter 11, too soon too old when i free myself from the chains that bind me—watch out world.
i'm not going to lie...
i would Kill for a bootleg copy of SATC. yes i know: bootlegs are bad + the entire industry loses even if, well, i win. while i am brave enough to admit that i would like to see this movie on opening nite i can pretty much guarantee i will not actually see it for at least a few weeks after the release date. here’s why: big crowds of only females are Definitely not my thing. big crowds...
beautiful girls →
jack johnson meets g. love meets donavon frankenreiter = Amazing.
“any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the least”
– chapter 5 of too soon too old i don’t know if i love this. or hate this. both?
larry david
my other dream man. thought i should level the playing field a bit…or at least enter the other end of the spectrum. + i’m pretty sure he doesn’t love me too. we’d get along swimmingly!
update
on this: i found it! and i literally said outloud “i found it! i found it!” again, i am 10. good thing too. i didn’t remember quite as well as i assumed: dear sam, i wish i may i wish i might have this wish i wish tonight i wish i had 2 best friends as good as you and jen. oh jami: you Do (you do!) Forever.
“dear sam, i wish i may i wish i might wish upon a star tonight: i am so thankful...”
– -my best friend jami she wrote this on a torn off tiny piece of envelope over two years ago, on the evening of her birthday. while i never quite understood the need to mention jenny (love you jen!) i have always cherished this piece of paper. i carry it with me. well, carried. i can’t find...
i just bought a brand new box of crayola crayons
i suggest you do the same. happy hump day!
“the statue of limitations has expired on most* of our childhood traumas”
– -from too soon old, too late smart, dr. gordon livingston really? are you sure? i was going to ride this wave… *opperative word: Most
dear momma,
you know how when i was a kid you used to make me + brett go to the bathroom every. single. time. we left the house? even if it was just a quick trip- to a restaurant. that would presumably have their own bathroom? well, uh, i just wanted to let you know that i would, most often, go in + lock the door only to count to 10, flush the toilet (i know i know the poor environment!) + come back out...
Penn Badgley
is my dream man…uh, boy? arrest me now. i don’t care. i love him. + i am pretty sure he love me too. :)
that night →
i was going to post my writing anonymously but i need to learn how to Stand behind my work. if i want to get to the Top, i’ve got to climb there…+ you know, allow everyone to try to pull me down… (not happening!) if i am ever going to grow into the writer i want to become i have to learn to roll with the punches.
“love you- you’re amazing.
people can suck- people are out for blood- they...”
– me to a Fabulous writer friend who had received some unchoice words in the form of fan mail. i will Never be able to wrap my head around people’s Need to take away someone else’s smile or success. we can All have a piece of the pie. somehow, somewhere along the way, something seems to...
that guy
have you ever had a someone in your life that drives you Up a wall— pining after you for eternity + then snubbing you in an almost malicious way the second you gave them a chance? this person eats up your insides— they wronged you in a way that made you question yourself + reconsider the amount of alcohol you should drink on a given evening. this person that you always had a flirty...
“In the middle of difficulty
lies opportunity.”
– albert einstein
too sensitive
me. it’s really becoming a liabilty. don’t worry about breaking my heart: i’ve got that covered. moving Forward: only direction to go. brushing it off, picking up the pieces. i feel something in the air: Positive energy. my Smile has returned.
“another reason we are soulmates. i wrote an 8 page paper for my gender studies...”
– -alexis, in reference to inequality. dude, i expect a copy of said paper in my inbox by tomorrow! Xxs ps: the marvin gay workout, huh? i like that.
firsts
they are usually quite significant: kisses, lovers, marriages… it’s funny though how sometimes someone who is, so to speak, a first, can (sometimes sooner than) later in life become so insignificant. so distant from who they were to you at the time…almost as if a figment of your imagination. but they will always be your first.
“and i believe there comes a time, when everything just falls in line”
– pat benatar, all fired up hell Yes. just hold on…
female masturbation: why still such a taboo topic?
why do you think this is? is it just me? me thinks not… here’s my theory: while men have too many nicknames to keep track of (though i am sure someone would be happy to list them all!) for doing the deed, we women, once again, have been left in the dust! i don’t know about my lady friends, but i for one feel a movement coming on… furthermore, any suggestions for new ways...
“it’s never too late to have a happy childhood”
– -tom robbins i’m still having one. happy thursday :)
April 2008
192 posts
“even the holy one dances with the devil.”
– literally my oldest friend. we were born a day apart in the same hospital. he likes to tell this story to anyone within ear shot after several drinks. + i love hearing it. smart boy he is. love you ks :) True. Freaking. Story.
john mayer
good for me. not good for jen aniston.
“i spar against my demons of doubt. i grapple with my frustrations. i Never...”
– Eddy Rolon, mixed martial arts fighter my new daily mantra.
vulnerability
nothing wrong with experssing a bit of this at times. not a Damn thing wrong!
i wonder
what will happen if all the Loveliness that lives inside my head does not… no no! Impossible ;)
“gosh s why don’t you just be honest! dan will Totally understand.”
– me, last nite to myself. surprisingly not out loud, just swimming around in my head. so i thought i may as well, you know, share my inner monologue of humiliation :)
note to self:
attempt to extend yourself as much off the mat as you do while on it. flexibility is not one of my finer qualities— mostly when it comes to experiences + activites that would be helpful + positive for me. i am scared? maybe. work on this.
what's worse?
knowing what you have to do to make Essential changes in your life, having the heart + the mind to see quite clearly what is best, having the intellect + intuition but not doing it? Or… just being entirely naive..an idiot*? i often struggle to answer this question. *come to think of it, i suppose you are a fool either way…
why must i Always read this during dinner? →
it makes me feel like george from seinfeld: when he tries to bring the best of both worlds together: sex + food. of course when he attempted to up the anti by bringing a ball game/tv into the mix, he got caught. in other news (ladies, forgive me in advance) i am far more enthused when these tales track a male. their raw talent (read: their unabashed honesty) for writing sex is entirely...